A Boring Girl’s Guide To Vegas
We recently returned from a weeklong trip to Vegas. Some of you might be thinking: Oy. A week? Way too long, Corianne. Way too long.
But it’s really not, not when you do Vegas like we do Vegas. The only reason it might be too long is because our wallets couldn’t possibly handle another meal (or our waists, for that matter) or another trip to Sephora.
Yes, Sephora. Did you think I was going to say the club?
First of all, we went to Vegas with our best friends Davey & Jess. They have the same goals as we do when we go on vacation: good food and drinks. Good pool. Good sleep. And that’s about it.
Jess and I were on Yelp from the minute we stepped off the plane. We started out trying to find new places to eat, and we ended up trying to beat each other by attaining new badges checking into places we never actually stepped foot in. Oh, you actually thought I went to Hakkasaan, the night club? HAHA. No. We walked by on our way to the room at 9pm, checked-in, and got the “First To The Club” badge. Who’s the loser now, Yelp? It’s a great way for your friends and social media following to think you’re cooler than you actually are.
2) Selfie Sticks
You guys. EVERYONE has them in Vegas. Like, everyone. They sell them at the ABC Store, for goodness sake. When they started coming about a couple years ago, I was so embarrassed for the people that whipped them out, but now you’re actually a loser if you DON’T have a Selfie Stick. So, we bought one in Vegas and used that bad boy until we got on the plane to head home.
3) THAT SCENT.
You know how amazing the hotels smell in Vegas? We found the spot to really BASK in the glory that is “hotel perfume” (it’s a thing, guys, look it up). When we stepped off the elevator and into the hallway to head to our room, there was a particular air-conditioning vent that pumped out the scent so strongly… It may or may not have been the single source for the monstrosity that is the MGM Grand. And we may or may not have stood there like idiots, just breathing in the smell and trying to memorize it. Go to the 4th floor of the MGM, and take an immediate left down the hallway for room 414. You’ll know when you’re there. That glorious smell hits you like a brick wall.
4) Coffee, Breakfast, Pre-Lunch, Lunch, Snack, Pre-Dinner, Dinner, Post-Dinner, Late Night Snack. This was the meal schedule each day, and y’all… We learned how to do it right. He’s a sample of our daily menu. And we walked it off each day, so – no guilt. (We probably should have had some guilt, but you know… Vacation).
This one is self-explanatory. But do your research… Only rookies go to the first buffet they come across, or the one at their hotel by default.
Have some fun. You know those people that try to sell you on a “free show”, and you only need to sign over a promissory note to give them your first born? Try telling them you’re not interested because you have IBS and can’t sit through a full show. Or that you have Tourettes and are currently banned from the theatre at the MGM because of the last time you went. It’s fun – the more inappropriate you get, the more exciting it is. One lady literally stopped her pitch to say: “EW!” to Jessica. I can’t even repeat what Jessica’s excuse was, but it was gross and that lady literally turned away from us and onto her next prey. We got snubbed by a Vegas solicitor.
Unless they try to kill you coming home from Old Town, taking corners at 70 MPH and tailgating all the cars on the freeway. Then you should probably report them.